The Life List

What I want to do before I die, or before I get too old to remember who I am or how to put on pants.

• Publish a collection of personal humor essays  SOMETHING!  some kind of memoir. It will probably be funny, because my life is ridiculous.
• Take a singing lesson
• Swim in a triathlon relay
• Go to Tibet
• Visit the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala
• Give a TED talk
• Go to New Zealand
• Go to where they shot Lord of the Rings in New Zealand. Playing with Hobbitses optional.
• Get a massage every week for a year.
• Read all those books on my bookshelf that I bought because they looked cool.
• Ride a mechanical bull
• Stop saying “I’m tired.” all the time
• Read Anna Karenina
• Get a job reviewing sex toys
• Donate my body to science OR be a crash test dummy.
• Write everyday
• Invest money
• Do a California wine tasting
• Try all 51 of New York’s Best Cups of Coffee
• Fund a micro-loan at Kiva.org
• See the Aurora Borealis
• Try acupuncture
• Pitch a screenplay
• Take a salsa dancing lesson
•  Eat really amazing falafel
•  Get married
•  Have children
• Let children know they are awesome and amazing ALL THE FUCKING TIME. (Since they’ll be related to me, they’ll probably need the extra reminders, unless their father injects them (well, me) with some SUPER CONFIDENCE BOOSTER POWERS that make them not feel like an outsider for their entire lives.)

DUNZO!

• Learn HTML or PHP  I tried. And it was really hard. But I tried!
• Fall in love Recently crossed out not because it’s recently happened, but because I realize that I fall hard, and I fall often, and rather than having it be a “goal” I’m just gonna stop trying so hard and let it find me.
• Buy a red cocktail dress  I did this! And I wore it to a Christmas party. And I danced in it. A lot.
• Spend time in other countries Lived in India for a summer. Read a little bit about it. 
• Re-learn to parallel park So…living in LA doesn’t really make NOT parallel parking an option.
• Visit the Museum of Sex It’s the best. Go if you can, and then eat so much pasta & cheese & drink so much beer at Eataly.  (OPTIONAL, but recommended: Get so drunk at Eataly’s beer garden that you HAVE to jump on a train to an East Village sex shop to buy a new vibrator RIGHT NOWNOWNOW BEFORE IT CLOSES and barely make it on the last train to Jersey.)
• Learn how to replace a hard drive in a computer  Rocking 1 whole terabyte of AWESOME in this bitch now. 
• Eat In-n-Out while looking up at the Hollywood sign On the way home from Spring Break in Vegas, baby.
• Get my degree  May of 2012, friends. I now have a  BS in Television, Radio & Film from Syracuse. It feels amazing. (But my diploma is still in a box in my closet, oops? It’s too Old Man Office Scholarly to hang in my room, whatever.)